The old quote and it seems to pertinent today is never let the truth get in the way of a good story. USA Today is one of those organizations that subscribes to that sort of theory. Barely clinging onto relevance they are pretty much willing to do whatever they can so people still listen to them.
Anyone who knows anything about guns knows that, in the wake of a mass shooting tragedy, everybody who knows nothing about guns is going to be all over the media pretending to know everything about them.
That highly predictable routine was unchaged after Sunday’s mass shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas, where 26 worshippers were killed at the First Baptist Church by a deranged shooter.
Of course, the gunman was using a semi-automatic rifle — the kind so often mislabeled as “assault rifles” when this sort of thing occurs. In this case, it was a Ruger AR-556 — usually referred to as an “AR-15-style rifle” by the media because they’re lazy. (And they’ve tried to make the AR-15 into a representation of everything bad about guns in the same way that Mephistopheles is a representation of everything bad about the afterlife.)
In fact, the Ruger is an updated AR-15, which USA Today didn’t point out when it did a video about it. USA Today did, however, mention some of the evil-looking add-ons you can use to update the rifle even further.
Watch it here. See if you can spot the one that proves USA Today’s social media department’s gatekeeping may not be the most, um, thorough in the industry:
Yes, apparently whoever put this together spent more time with “Gears of War” than with research into the Sutherland Springs shooting.
Now, as Independent Journal Review points out, a chainsaw bayonet is theoretically possible to add to a Ruger. In the same way, it’s theoretically possible to add a voice recognition device that automatically causes your rifle to fire off a blank every time a millennial uses “Gucci” as an adjective — just to make millennials soil their pants.
In fact, the latter device would probably be more useful. However, in the real world, neither is actually an optional item that is put onto any rifle anywhere, and the former item would be incredibly stupid and inefficient. There are DIY versions of them, but they’re novelty items that are hardly used, hardly useful, and mostly sound like something out of a video game.
Sadly, that’s likely where USA Today got the idea. See, in “Gears of War,” the blockbuster Xbox title, a chainsaw bayonet is a major part of the game — and very useful, because, unlike reality, this is a digital universe where actual rules of logic don’t have to apply.
According to the Gears of War Wikia, which I’m sure is 100 percent accurate, “(u)nlike the original Lancer’s blade bayonet the chainsaw will not break while slicing through the thick hide of a Locust.”
“The individual blades are very sturdy, enough to withstand the force of another chainsaw bearing down on them.”